No One Tells You Where the Poke-Flute is: A Tale of Teacher Certification Told via Pokemon Allegory

by: Natalie Carabello

Part of the fun of waking up every morning as a child during the 90s was running to the television after breakfast and catching the credits roll from Dragonball Z--a signal that (at last!) Pokemon was coming on--and that I'd be able to catch a few minutes before racing off to the bus dressed to the gills in sweaters and scarves. But I digress.

We all know the shenanigans Ash and his pocket monster friends encounter on his quest to be a Pokemon Master. And as a 24 year-old currently spending Thursday morning of her much-needed and far-too-short vacation in a clinical-looking office in Brooklyn waiting to be processed by the DOE (Department of Education), I cannot help but see the similarities Ash and I share in our journeys.

...except no one gives me shiny-colored badges when I get one step closer to becoming a Pokemon Master New York State Certified Teacher, and I don't have a slew of Nurse Joys or Chanseys at every corner to patch me up when I make a massive mistake.

Becoming certified in any form of educative profession in NY is very much like trying to hunt down that poke-flute to wake up Snorlax so you can pass Route 12 to Fuschia City. The only resounding difference I've found is that there is no Mr. Fuji to gift one to you--the DOE will hide the flute in a cave full of other flutes and you'll have to play at least five of them before they show you a trap door leading to the real flute, tucked safely behind a case that you can only get to after jumping through several flaming hoops on a skateboard at twenty miles an hour.

At least that's how I imagine it in my head.

The reality is that those false flutes I'm talking about are numerous certification exams and fieldwork hours and online courses and several trips to Court Street and all sorts of other things I'm forgetting about because there are just TOO MANY THINGS.

Here's a picture of things.
Notice how there are TOO MANY OF THEM.

I understand why it's done, of course; if you want to be an educator, you have to prove you've got what it takes to be in that classroom. Especially in a place like NYC, where like their adult predecessors, students have the most finely-tuned bullshit meters in the business. Not only will they notice if your act isn't together, they will say so--to your actual face.

That being said, there should be some kind of universal checklist somewhere. A Professor Oak hidden beneath the chaos to help people pick out their starter Pokemon, if you will (Pikachu: all day, everyday--because version yellow. In case you're wondering.)


My master's program did an excellent job of this: they tied mandatory seminars into courses and gave semester-long workshops on conquering the Gyarados that is the EdTPA.

Do not be distracted by the fact that it's shiny.
The EdTPA is still the worst.

And even then--it still felt like I was wondering through Mt. Moon in the dark, plagued by an endless sea of Zubats who get in my path every five minutes.

So here's a comprehensive list of all the stuff you'll need everything I can remember off the top of my head you'll need to take care of if you're on track to teach because (once more for emphasis) there are literally TOO MANY THINGS. I've placed a handy-dandy star next to anything that costs money outside of tuition, and the amount it costs (roughly) in parenthesis at the end.

Before You Student Teach:
-All your educational credits done (this was 40 for me, pretty much standard in Masters Programs): i.e., pedagogy, your content area, adolescent development, electives, differentiation, special education and diverse needs, and so on and on and on and on.

-*Fingerprints: Go early; this shit takes forever and is guaranteed to induce headaches. My day literally ended in tears. ($150. For the love of God, bring back up money just in case.)

-*Register for the ALST Take all your exams and get them over with: I took all three in one week. It was horrible, but very much like ripping a band-aid off. If that's not your gig, then space them out over the course of a month. Please don't wait until you're already student teaching because it will be extremely overwhelming for you. ($300+ for the ALST, CST, and EAS, and possibly more if you need to re-take them, so study...or something.)

During Student Teaching:
-1 semester of Student Teaching: That's 15--count 'em--15 weeks, or 300 hours. Pick your numerical poison. My professor told me to treat this like a 15 week job interview, and that's honestly the best advice I could ever pass on to anyone else trekking the trek to Victory Road (see what I did there?). Involve yourself as much as you can and develop a working relationship with your co-teacher. This time can be incredibly rewarding and eye-opening if you make the effort. I learned more in those four months about teaching than I learned in books and studying in two years.

-*THE EDTPA: also known as the worst thing ever. Break it into chunks and don't put it off the way I did (/am currently still doing). (300 big ones).

I especially love the heading.
As if people just wander into the building
confused and looking for Cheetos.

-*Register for NYSED Teach: This will set you up for your initial certification. Once the state has everything you need to qualify and approves you--Thundercats are go! You now have five years to complete three years of professional teaching for that badass Professional Certification. ($50, and no, you can't use AMEX. I learned this the hard way.)

If you are going through simultaneous substitute certification, read everything carefully: it took me weeks to figure out your I-9 must be completed in person and you cannot begin to work until you are invited to be assessed (aka, more flutes and flaming hoops) which cannot happen until you verify your I-9. Do you see the circle I'm painting here for you?

The good thing is, after all this is said and done, you can be safely on your way to working with Pokemon shaping the young minds of tomorrow. That part, I can honestly say is incredibly gratifying, humbling, and inspiring (and sometimes frustrating) all at once--but so, so worth it.

Good luck, friend--and always remember to carry your Pokedex in case you encounter something unknown.

Peace, love, and sometimes tons of paperwork.
-N