"Maybe" By Greg Hernandez

 Maybe is a word derived from uncertainty.
 It is the non-committal answer.
 You have a 50/50 chance.


It's a word that used to annoy me. Now it doesn't. 

Want to hang out tomorrow? Maybe. There is no definitive answer. Yes or No have not been said. This leaves the person who asked in a precarious situation. It leaves them with two options: Remain hopeful for a yes and allow the opportunity for a disappointing no or forget them.

I want to include a third option. It is always a choice to let a no be disappointing. A good idea is to make a back-up plan when someone says maybe. Make multiple plans for the same day. That way if someone bails or flakes out on you, there is a better chance that your plans remain unscathed. Having a back-up plan carries the mentality of being care free. You do not care if someone says maybe to you. Their indecisiveness does not really affect you. Not making a back-up plan may result in being trapped in  limbo when someone responds to your initiative with a maybe.

Now I use the word initiative because we are sensitive creatures. When you ask someone out on a date or to hang out-casual or no casual you're investing part of your time in them-that takes effort, regardless of what your intentions are. If they say maybe, they have stopped your momentum. Your plans have been placed on hold. Why allow them to do that? Who knows, they may have a good reason. If they do not provide said reason, then why not fish around for other plans? So you ask someone that you're attracted to out on a date and they say maybe...what do you do now? How do you respond?

Remember, maybe could mean almost anything, (Yes, No, I might be able to if my plans with someone else fall through, if I don't work overtime, If my parents let me go out/hangout with you, If I'm not tired, If I actually want to see you, If your plans sound fun and if I'm not just playing games with you). You cannot control what their maybe means...and please do not ask, you will look and sound moronic. Perhaps you can create the meaning for yourself, after all they didn't say no, but they did not say yes either. Why not give them space and allow them the time to come back to you on that. You did your part. You asked. You made the effort. Now let them reciprocate.

Be honest with yourself, do you really want to hang out with that person? Are you truly attracted to that person? Jot down some reasons. Review them. Are they strong enough?  Try to be certain. Last thing you want is to waste your time on someone. A yes is awesome, but a no is just as good. It closes the door on that move and frees you up for someone new.

In life, I believe we should acknowledge one fact. Our family is there for us. Our close friends are there for us. Having a small circle of friends is essential to your emotional well-being. Reliability. Dependability. There are no maybes in this context with them. Oh and if there are, well you had better reevaluate your relationship with them.

A maybe should not be cause for anger or confusion. It should be welcomed as an indication, that this person may or may not have the time for you. So why make time for them? Leave them alone. They may come back to you when they're less busy. Besides why should you try so hard? Befriending people should be easy. Dating should be easy. Both are not obviously, but that does not mean we have to make it any harder on ourselves. I've heard my peers say that dating nowadays is like poker. Everyone is trying to bluff. Men and women are sizing each other up while at the same time trying to appear as indifferent and ambiguous as possible.

Remain confident. You are someone worth spending time with. If someone fails to see that, than let them continue to fail. You're only true opportunity to correct their vision of you is to move on. Spend time with others. That person who did not wish to hang out or go out with you might see a picture of you on Facebook having fun and smiling. Who knows, they may relent and send you a message of some sort to re-open the conversation. You can give them a second chance. Ask them to hang out again. Now, If you receive another maybe from them, that is fine. Leave it at that. Once again, you've done your part. Don't sweat it. No need for any sardonic responses or gestures. They made their choice. Now you make yours. I suggest moving on to someone else.

If it is a friend. Do not waste your time. A friend who wants to hang out with you will eventually initiate a hang out. If it is more than friend, take caution and try to be understanding. The person may lack dating experience. They do not need you badgering them about dates. Or they could just be messing with you.

I tend to lean toward a common sense feeling...not a rule, see, I call it "not now but definitely another time."
I ask a woman out and receive a maybe. The offer is no longer tempting. The attraction has died. My fire has been put out. Pursuing is futile.

Now, to go briefly off-course of maybe. Let's say for instance she gives me a perfectly legitimate reason for not being able to go out on the specified night. If she does not suggest another night, I do not pursue.

If at first you don't succeed...wait a minute, asking a girl out on a date and getting a yes is supposed to be a success? I thought it was the first step! There is still a possibility of  going out and disovering no true chemistry between us. What happened to that success? I believe in equality. I do not place women on a pedestal. There are billions of women out there. Perhaps a straight male can ask a multitude of women out and sift through his options.

'The whole, I persisted and she finally accepted,' does not intrigue me.

Don't agree? That is fine. Please indulge in a little reading of "Ovid."

Anyways, the best "maybe" to hear is from the comedian Louie C.K. Louie Ck- Maybe


*Maybe I'm just not the type of person to give you the time of day.
Maybe I'm just the type of person who can simply walk away.