"It's tough being a father." By Greg Hernandez

 When I saw this parent perform last Sunday night, I realized how difficult of a job it is being a father.

Sunday night in the east village. I am out with my friend named Rachel Ann from grade school-we have not seen each other in nearly ten years. We've had wine, looked at books together, each of us even purchased one. The weather has had a relapse. A weekend respite from the cold weather was much needed. The temperature is 45 degrees-glorious warm weather in February. Our next stop is at the Upright Citizens Brigade East Theatre. We stop at the pizza shop next door to relieve and replenish ourselves on soda and pizza. Its a half-hour until the show and we're both excited. However, we had no idea that a different show would be taking place for free just a couple of feet away from us.

Behind is a family of three-one father and his two girls. Adjacent to the trio is a man and a woman. The couple leave a towering mess of greasy napkins, plastic plates and cups on the center of the table. The woman gets up to use the lavatory. The man gets up to reveal his large build, not much muscle, but in terms of sheer size he is gargantuan. His bearded face is sloppy. At first glance he reminds me of the actor Mark Boone Jr. His attire is unable to cover up his massive belly. The large man turns away from the table. He is on his phone, making no move to clear the mess behind him, when suddenly a low voice cries out, "You didn't clear away your mess." The squeaky voice came from the mousy looking daughter. A thin girl with glasses and a pony tail. I can not make this up. She speaks up again, a change in her tone, the squeak has dissipated. "You didn't clean up your mess." she says. Rachel and I turn our heads to peer at the growing situation.

The show had begun. The large man snapped his phone shut. He turned toward the trio and scolded the child. Neither Rachel nor I could hear his words, which were icy and low. The father immediately responded by shooting up from his seat and into the face of the large man. Escalation was inevitable. The tension rose like a geyser.

"Hey! Don't talk to my daughter that."
"What are you going to do about it? Huh!?"
"I'm going to clean up your mess. That's what I'm going to do..."
"Yeah..."
"Yeah."
"Yeah you do that."

The exchanges continued. The father walked around the large man who refused to move. Their bodies were close throughout. The daughters never uttered a word. They were scared. We all were for those next few moments.

"I was going to clean it up, until your daughter opened her mouth. If you're going to start something do  something! Nigga, yeah you cleaned up my mess and now you're sitting down, because you know I'd fuck your ass up! Nigga I don't care about your family. Don't start shit unless you plan on finishing it."

All of this was said while the father sat back in his seat. The large man towered over him. Shouts from an employee behind the counter of "Sir, sir, we're going to call the police," were ignored until finally an employee did. The girlfriend returned from the lavatory and quickly intervened. She got in between the two men and pulled the large man away. The large man continued to shout and taunt, until finally they were out the door. The applause was tiny. One guy clapped. The feeling in the pizza shop was bizarre, yet slightly relieved. Why? Because everyone was still trying to process everything.

A young man who clapped was near our table. He eagerly got up to congratulate the father on how he handled the situation. The father took the high road. He showed restrain. He stood up for his daughter.
He almost got his ass kicked.

After the family left, several retainers discussed the tense confrontation. I got in on the conversation. It was unanimous between all of the spectators. The true villain was the daughter. She put her father in an impossible situation. She opened her big mouth and her father had to cover her ass, which of course is his job. However, had that large man been intoxicated and packing a deadly weapon with the malicious intent upon using it, well...that little girl would most likely be attending her father's funeral next week or at the very least visiting him in the hospital every day.

If there had been a fight I would have bet on the large man. The family is not from New York City. The daughters seldom visit, the father is a more frequent visitor, however,  
It is tough being a father. Stand up for your daughter and end up in a fight or shush your daughter and look like a coward. Those were his only two options.

In New York City anything can happen. The large was right about the daughter minding her own business. The world is filled with slobs after all, you cannot convert all of them to the path of decency or good hygiene. The large man was obviously wrong in escalating the situation, but so was the father. He stood up in the man's face because he rightly felt his child had been threatened.

Being a father is a dangerous job and borderline impossible. I say father in this regard, because this still is a man's world. I don't know how this situation would have gone down if it had been a mother and her two daughters instead. Who knows how the mother would have played it: either way, fight or flight are still the only two options.