"Who gets the Check?" By Greg Hernandez

You're out on a date. Everything has gone smoothly. Dinner was exquisite. You sampled each other’s plates and found the food to be delectable. Or perhaps dinner on a first date was not to your liking so instead you chose an intimate wine bar-one with an eclectic collection.  The bottle of Almanac is done and it is time to pay. The bill has been presented and you reach for your card. As you do this your partner interjects with a polite, "I've got it," and reaches for theirs. Your rebuttal is short and sweet, "No. It's ok. I've got it." Your rebuttal is followed by the others courteous insistence. Both cards are laid out on the counter, like a showdown in the old west-the bartender wants no part in this urbane duel, so he caters to other patrons. The clash has begun. Who should pay?

Of course everyone knows that the person who suggested going out should pay right? It may not matter. It could just come down to whoever truly wants to pay. If you find yourself paying out of some misguided obligatory gender role induced fulfillment, you may need to drop that form of thinking. Men complain a lot about dating. They say it thins their wallets, yet some feel it is a custom that they pay. Now, I am only speaking from the perspective of a straight male. Perhaps, we do not always need to pay. Some couples take turns paying. Gay couples do the same. Regardless of gender or sexuality-if someone wants to pay, maybe we should let them. If anyone pays, it is most likely due to these reasons-you enjoyed the date, want to take them out again, can afford to pay for the exquisite dinner or whine without chirping about it later if the second or third date does not materialize.
Back to the couple-let's identify them as a man and a woman. The man suggested the place. He asked her out and here they are. Both cards are laid out on the counter. Instead of taking her card away or simply calling the bartender over and handing him his card and winking at her. He plays it cool-he accepts losing. Yes, he loses. He does not pay the bill. Suave. Perhaps he interprets her paying the bill as a testament to their magnificent time they spent together tonight. He may be planning his next move-she pays for this, I pay for the cab, walk her to her apartment and move in a for a good-night kiss...on the lips of course.

Does there need to be a dominant person on dates or in relationships? Perhaps we should embrace the quality of equality. A woman can pay too. A woman can suggest the second date or third as well. If there is some form of indecisiveness, play it cool. Don't worry about whether she is testing you or not. Maybe it is a test or maybe it isn't one. Point is to remain cool. Make it a joke, "Not backing down, huh?" She may laugh, smile, and continue to warmly insist on paying. Still want to pay...flip a coin. "Let's leave it to chance." It may even be fate that she gets upset at your coin toss maneuver. Oh well, you made a choice of action. On a side note-It may be unwise to use a double-sided coin in this situation. Why? Well, it is an extension of desired control.

Through my own experience, I have learned to let go of control. Let things flow organically and see what happens. I have learned to make light of paying. By doing so, I turn it to my advantage.
It should not matter who asked who, or who society says should pay or what our own personal beliefs are. All that matters is how we feel in the moment. I broke my trend. If she wants to pay, I let her. Who knows? She may end up thanking you for it.